Think about the people in your life who you are closest to and with whom you have positive, healthy relationships. How did this come to be? What was it that makes a genuine, positive, and supportive relationship?  

“I was misguided in believing that overcoming obstacles was the key to finding respect. My fondest relationships at Cornell have been organic, and not the result of humiliation or stress.” – Dustin Liu Cornell Alumnus from Trustee Viewpoint: Hey, I was Hazed Too, Cornell Daily Sun (1/22/2018)

Signs of Healthy Group Relationships and Dynamics

1. Develop organically over time: group relationships develop naturally at a pace that feels enjoyable, is not rushed, and is considerate of each person involved.
2. Honesty: group members can be truthful and candid  without fearing how the other group member(s) will respond. The group is also truthful, candid, and specific about what membership entails and what is expected of all members.
3. Respect: group members value one another’s beliefs and opinions and appreciate and respect each other as individuals.
4. Kindness: members are caring and empathetic towards one another and provide emotional support as needed.
5. Healthy Conflict: group relationships openly and respectfully discuss issues and confront disagreements non-judgmentally.
6. Trust: shared confidence that the group, team or organization won’t do anything to hurt one another or ruin the experience of membership. 
7. Independence: there is space for group members to express their authentic self, both within and outside of the group, team, or organization.
8. Equity: relationships feel balanced, and everyone puts forth their best effort, with the capacity they have, to contribute to the group’s success.
9. Taking Responsibility: healthy group relationships welcome accountability and take responsibility for their actions and words, especially if they have caused harm to another person of the group, team, or organization.
10. Fun: group members enjoy spending time together and bringing out the best in one another.

Signs of Unhealthy Group Relationships and Dynamics

1. Unhealthy intensity: when someone expresses extreme feelings and over-the-top behavior that feels overwhelming. For example, demanding that members put the group activity or need above everything else (e.g., a “Ride or Die” mentality).
2. Manipulation: when group members try to control the decisions, actions, or emotions of an individual or sub-group. For example, forcing new or current members to participate in activities that jeopardize their well-being, create a false sense of belonging, are unsafe, risky, humiliating, or embarrassing.
3. Sabotage: when someone purposefully compromises a group member’s reputation, achievements, or success. For example, putting someone at risk for legal or judicial sanctions by making underage members buy alcohol or other drugs for others.
4. Guilting: when someone makes a group member feel responsible for their actions or makes them feel like it’s their job to keep other(s) happy. For example, making members go through challenging or traumatic activities together as a way to bond or feel closer (i.e., “trauma bonding”). This could also include sending messages (overtly or implied) such as “if you want to be part of this group, you must prove yourself by doing ‘X’”.
5. Possessiveness / Control: when a group member or members exerts power over other members to a point where they try to control who members spend time with and what they do. For example, allowing members to only talk or associate with certain people or taking phones away from members to limit who they can talk to and when.
6. Deflecting Responsibility: when someone makes excuses for an unhealthy behavior. For example, group justification of problematic and/or coercive behaviors in the past such as "we all went through it so now you have to do it” (rather than saying, “I’m not going to make you do this.”)
7. Isolation: keeping group members (or potential members) away from friends, family, or others. For example, physically segregating or confining members in unknown location or dropping members off at an unfamiliar location and telling them they have to find their way back on their own.
8. Belittling: saying things that make members (or potential members) feel  bad. For example, embarrassing members in public spaces, having members wear specific clothing or act in a skit night with the purpose of humiliation or public embarrassment; yelling, screaming at, or cursing at members.
9. Volatility: deliberately scaring, confusing, or intimidating members with loud, erratic, or explosive behaviors. For example, physically or emotionally abusing members during a  “Hell Week,” “Rookie Night” etc.).
10. Betrayal: disloyal conduct or acting in an intentionally dishonest way. For example, putting members in harm’s way, shaming a member for deviating from group norms or for prioritizing their own needs.

Healthy group dynamics ensure the protection of physical and psychological well-being and safety of each group member.

This content was inspired by and adapted from Stop Hazing and One Love’s 10 Signs of Healthy & Unhealthy Group Relationships.